I just want to clear this up

A fellow marine wife sent me this from a Facebook page for Marine wives/girl friends/fiances. It's so dang funny! I'm sure a lot of people can figure it out. But if you're in our situation they're so funny and so agreeable.

These are questions and comments you DON'T ask a Marine Wife, and if you do..this is what we think..but don't say. haha

Q: Do you miss him?
A: No. I love being alone. The silence is warming. I enjoy fixing everything that breaks and cuddling with my pillow.

Q: My boyfriend is out of town on business, I know how you feel.
A: Yes I hear there is a huge mortar problem in Michigan.

Q: Aren't you afraid he'll die?
A: No, I had actually forgotten that that was a possibility, but thank you. Thank you for reminding me.

Q: I don't know how you manage, I couldn't do it.
A: Thank god it's not you then. Phew.

Q: At least he's not in Iraq/Afghanistan/Qatar.
A: Hes' not!? Shit, that changes everything.

Q: Do you think he'll come home for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary?
A:I don't know yet, he just put in his leave request to the Taliban, we're still waiting for a response.

Q: What are you going to do to keep busy while he's gone?
A: I don't know. Since he's been gone the house cleans itself, the bills are magically paid, and the kids are angels.

Q: How many days until he gets out?
A: Depends. How many days until you join?

Q: You'll get used to it.
A: Yeah, the rigorous schedule is something I get used to. I'm actually a robot. I love watching the news, and the surprise missions are like tiny birthday presents from hell. Yes, I'm getting used to it like I get used to a tooth ache.

Q: What is he doing over there?
A: Knitting.

Q: He signed up for it. It's his fault is anything happens to him.
A: Yes, and it's your fault for any teeth you're about to lose.

Q: In my opinion -
A: *look at your phone* Sorry, my grandmother is calling from her grave, I have to get this.

Q: That's awful, I'm sorry!
A: Don't be, he looked hot doing it. He's good. Did your husband fix your sink?

Q: Why don't you just go see him?
A: They frown upon strangers 'round those parts, but by all means, go visit and let me know how it goes.

Q: Don't worry, he'll be home soon.
A: Really? I thought we had 8 months left. Thank goodness you reminded me.

Q: How do you go without sex?
A: Luckily we hold our relationship to a higher standard than simply our physical contact. Oh, and I have self control. Oh, and I only want one man. It's super easy that way.

Q: What if he doesn't come back?
A: Then I will cry until I'm sick to my stomach and I feel like my body is going to break apart. Then I will sleep alone in our bed and have dreams of him being with me only to wake up to him still being gone, knowing he will never come home and that I never got to say goodbye. Oh, too much information? My bad.

Q: Could he not finish college?
A: Nah those Taliban guys don't like to negotiate.

Q: How can you support someone that kills people?
A: It doesn't count if it's in a different zip code.

Q: Don't you worry he'll cheat over there?
A: Yes, I'm super worried that he's going to want to sleep with a woman who isn't allowed to speak or someone he works with and risk losing his job. That's what I'm uber worried about.

Q: How can you marry someone who is gone for so long?
A: At least we don't spend 12 months thinking up new ways to hate each other like....oh...sorry.

Q: You look tired.
A: Yeah unfortunately the middle east is in a different hemisphere and no one will move it.

Q: You know he's going to miss out on the kids' lives.
A: I was banking on them living quite a few years. I think they're good. And we have those crazy telegraph do-dads and boxes that you can talk to people through.

Q: You never know what goes on over there and his buddies aren't going to rat him out.
A: Yeah, because they're all eating and sleeping.

Q: The time will fly.
A: Time will fly, pigs will fly, hell will freeze over....I'm still waiting.

Q: He's going to be completely different when he comes back, ya know.
A: Yeah, so will I but I'm working on my hulk tear.

Q: You're lucky.
A: ....compared to.....?

Q: Fuck the troops.
A: *whisper* Seven days.

Q: Wouldn't you rather be with someone who's home?
A: Convenience < Quality

Q: Did you hear about the soldiers killed in -
A: Awesome, thank you. I was hoping someone would slip that into conversation today.

Q: Can't you text him?
A: Why didn't I think of that!?

Q: That sucks.
A: Well aware.

Q: Aren't you worried he's going to come back and go crazy and kill you in your sleep or something?
A: Oh that's nothing new.

Q: Are you pregnant!? What if you don't get another chance?
A: Do I look pregnant?

Q: Oh he's in the military...the easy way out.
A: Do you take automatic weaponry with you to brush your teeth?

Q: You deserve someone who can be there for you.
A: Well mine has special powers that yours doesn't.

Q: You should spend more time being proud than sad.
A: I tried that and it sucked, so now I'm taking the Ben & Jerry approach. Feel free to ride your butterfly out of here.

Q: The front lines are the most dangerous.
A: Dammit, I thought they aimed for the back.

Q: You're single, it's time to party!
A: I'm what?

Q: If there's anything I can do, let me know.
A: I hope you're a magician with unlimited minutes.

Q: How do you do it?
A: I haven't written down the process yet, but I'll get back to you