I am empty

I feel a pain in my heart, a hole. I've gone so long caring for my own needs. Doing things for my own happiness because there was no one there to make me happy. I feel alone, unwanted, worthless, replaceable, unattractive. I see couples, loving, caring, looking after one another an I wonder who's looking out for me? I've gone to hell and back and am still working to get myself back on my feet. But rather than have someone to hug me an tell me they are proud to be my partner, but instead I get judgmental eyes and words telling me I'm still not good enough. My heart has been broken, my trust destroyed. I forgave and had open arms, just to have my heart crushed again..and again..and again. I threatened the worst things I could think of. Take away my love, my faithfulness, your family. Nothing changed. I feel deflated and void of emotion. I don't want to give up, but I literally have no ther choice. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.